Gessessee brings swag back to AP Tests

     Many people prepare for AP tests by studying, but not Nathaniel Gessessee, he takes his AP preparations to a whole different level. For those of you who are familiar with Nathaniel you already know that some stupid things will leave his mouth ( see Article in the Irondale Eye "Nathaniel Says the Darndest Things"), but he doesn't just say stupid things he does stupid things. For example, I, THE Derek Sprang, said in a hypothetical situation that I could go all Brock Lesnar on him if we were to ever engage in hand to hand combat, and when he had heard what I had said he thought it was an invitation for a bru-haha. However, the fight never has happened, he still comes up to me every Friday and says, "Hey, Derek how does an ass beating sound?" This gets rather annoying after awhile.

Nathaniel exhibits an exorbant amount of Swag with his facial feature and top hat.

      Back to the AP tests, when people have witnessed Nathaniel preparing for his tests they have compared it to Michael Jordan preparing for Game 7.  The stakes are just as high for Nathaniel too, when asked what would happen if he failed the Calc II exam Nathaniel responded with this disturbing answer, "I would literally kill someone, I think.  There is no way I will fail that test."  This answer made me want to run to the AP Test Center and change his answers but for the safety of the civilians of New Brighton and Mounds View I decided this would not be the best course of action.  Also, to make sure he is loose for the exam Nathaniel engages in what any normal middle age women would do...jazzercise.  To make sure he gets the full effect he keeps his leotard (lee-oh-tard. Rhymes with Jake Rice's pronunciation of leopard) in a gym bag, although, there is a rip in his gluttis maximus region he keeps using it, and this is a rather interesting site for other AP test takers .   Stretching is just the beginning, Nathaniel has his head phones blasting the hottest new songs by Rick Ross to get him jacked up for this three-hour brain sizzling activity. To cap off his pre-test rituals he rips off his snap pants KG style and yells, "Let's go Mother Trucker!!!!!!"  He yells, "mother trucker" because he is afraid if he uses profanity he will be kicked out of the testing center, sending his forty dollars down the drain.

    Does high swag correlate with high test scores?  Let me answer this question with another question: Does Milli Vanilli's braids make him respectable?  The answer to that is YES.  So, although, you may laugh when Nathaniel is jazzercising or ripping his snap pants off, he will be laughing at you when he beats you on the AP test.